Have you avoided having a conversation to a woman just because she was talking to another guy?
Or maybe you avoided approaching a group of girls with one or two guys with them because you feared embarrassment just because you ASSUMED that those guys were cooler than you.
There are two reasons why guys have a fear in talking with women who were with other guys.
They think that the woman is "with" the guy, and assume he's her boyfriend.
Guys shouldn't think this as a barrier of talking to a woman. Plus - she's not a guy's "slave" or a piece of property, so she is free to talk to whomever she chooses, especially in a social situation like in the bar where people meet other people.
You will extremely look confident if you approach more often a woman who is "with" a guy and this can draw out the guy's jealous side, making him look weak and insecure.
The second reason why guys don't approach woman who is "with" a guy points to a deep insecurity based on a simple misconception.
Men tend to be threatened by other men, instantly assuming that the "other guy" is stronger, cooler, or somehow more powerful.
This is founded in an ancient survival strategy that has been hardwired into the human brain.
In any given interaction, its often hard to tell who the more "dominant" person is. So when a male is confronted by another male, he doesn't know how dominant the other guy is. The social hierarchy is very subtle, and mostly unconscious.
A guy doesn't know if he will be embarrassed verbally, or as was probably common thousands of years ago, beaten up.
So it's smart to play it safe by assuming that the other guy is a threat. Males who were too bold may have won a few confrontations, but all it took was one loss to end up dead or exiled from the tribe.
And then their genes were taken out of the "game" so to speak.
Usually the one that can lived long enough to survive and reproduce are those guys that played it safe and avoided confrontation.
The irony is that most of approach anxiety nowadays have the basis on this hard-wired survival strategy - the false assumptions of the guys will lead them to unnecessarily avoid women.
The thing is, when you are in the bar or club and you see a woman talking to another guy, you would think she's not WITH him.
They JUST MET!
I can't tell you how many times I've approached a woman thinking she was "with" a guy, only to find out he was some random dude who just approached her. Or he was just a friend or relative.
I have regrets when I remember that I used to completely not talking to a woman because I saw her being with another guy. So many opportunities that I've wasted. This brings me to my first point:
YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE MEANS TO HER. DON'T ASSUME THEY ARE TOGETHER UNTIL YOU SEE PHYSICAL EVIDENCE.
You will know it if you try to act and find out. Just remember that in time that they are together you should be alert an respectful, the guy may be the insecure jealous type and may start a confrontation.
So be smart and wise - don't just stick around on having a false judgment.
About the Author:
Mystery's The Pick up Artist Season Two is coming on VH1. Mystery appears in Neil Strauss the Game.
